My "time".

Suddenly i remembered one of my nearly forgotten past time hobbies.

Looking at my last post, I am very surprised and wonder how fast the time flew and never came back.
And its really made me sad.

Then sitting on my bed with my telekung, the sadness become deeper. Thinking of 'my time' is getting nearer too.

Then wondering whether i am already prepared. Or is there any time left for me to start preparing.

Then the panic starts crawling in my stomach. I really must do something. Not just sitting and wondering.

Alllah, please bless me and don't forget me....

When my world suddenly lonely.....

My sleep suddenly disturbed by the ringing of my phone and Soffea shaking my hand. I glanced at the clock and it was 3 am. It was Sarrah. She called from her apartment in Subang Jaya. She told me about her stomach pain that started since 12 midnight. I just asked her to take gastrict pill and tried to get a sleep since she will sit for her exam in the morning.
At 5 am, Sarrah called again and she was in deep stomach pain. Three of us rushed to her apartment and heading straight to Emergency Subang Jaya Medical Centre. She admitted and due for appendicities operation. But, during her final check before the operation, the doctor in charge, felt something was not right. He asked me to feel Sarrah's stomach and i felt something bulging.
The doctor then refered Sarrah's case to a gynaecologist that left me in misery looking for answers that confused me ....The doctor asked Sarrah questions that made me wonder whether i am a lousy mom that never took a good care of my young daugther. Then the doctor broke the news...... "Sarrah is having an ovarian tumour on her right side. It might be cancerous and dangerous. We need to remove her tumour urgently..."
........Suddenly, my world became so lonely and i heared nothing. My heart stopped beating and no words came out from my mouth. Only in my mind, i ask God to give me strenght. Sarrah started crying. She never cried since small. Looking her crying, then only i realised, all these are really happen.
A moment later, in a rushed, Sarrah was then wheeled to several places to do few tests including MRI and tumour makers. During the interval between each test, Sarrah started giving her so called wills and keep asking for my forgiveness. I said nothing, only my tears gave the answer. I tried my best, to accept Allah's will. If Sarrah was being borrowed to me only untill then...........
At last, 3 pm on the same day Sarrah was wheeled to the operation theater and i, stood still at the door with the hope that it would not be the last i got to see Sarrah........
At 6 pm, Sarrah was wheeled out , and the doctor said " It's not cancerous. If she is lucky, she still can have children..."
Oh Allah, bless us always........

Small baby vs big girl...

Sarrah always complaining about Soffea being spoilt. And she keeps on arguing about how Soffea being treated. And she always reminds us about Soffea's age. Sarrah keeps on stressing the fact that Soffea is now a big girl and not a small little baby that she used to be. Soffea will turn eleven this coming July but she always act like a cry baby. Sarrah asks me to give Soffea more responsible tasks. As i can see, she also put the blame more to her father.
After few sessions of `free lance' lecturing, suddenly Sarrah turned to me and ask my opinion. She also wonder why i just being the back bencher when she raised the issue. So, for her, i just give a new tag line `The spoilling stop when the spoiller stop too'. I let her wonder and analizing the meaning and open the space for her to throw her opinions.
But deep in my heart, there is no tag line, neither opions to throw but only the guilt that i kept just for me to sob. I just let Soffea being spoilt just because the guilt i felt to let her being raise by my maid. Although not 100% by my maid, but i left home to work when Soffea was so tiny, the time she needs me most. I left home to work not because of the financial needs but for my own satisfaction, when being at home mom not a joy for me anymore. After 6 years staying at home as fulltime mom, fulltime mom to Sarrah alone, i left home in search of greener field. After few years being a working mom, i added more challenge to put more colours in my life during Soffea's weaning years. I became a working plus studying mom. I took a part time masters course. I'd finished my masters in two solid years.
Looking back the trails, i wonder my self, how i could juggled between motherhood, works and studies. During that period of time, my achievements in my job and studies were not too bad at all and i felt proud for my self. But, besides the joy, there was a guilt in my heart. I kept the guilt to my self and never discuss with anyone.
Even though Sarrah did not realise nor identify the other Soffea's spoiller, me myself admitted to the blame being Soffea's secret spoiller.....

TAZKIRAH

CARA MELINDUNGI DIRI,KELUARGA DAN HARTA BENDA


1. Untuk memagar diri, keluarga dan harta benda

2. Berdiri disatu penjuru rumah (katakan dihadapan rumah sebelah kanan) sambil menghadap penjuru rumah satu lagi iaitu dikiri rumah. Baca Surah Al-fatihah diikuti Surah Yaasin ayat 1~9. Sambil baca, sambil berjalan menuju kepenjuru rumah satu lagi. (Ikut arah Tawaf Kaabah). Baca kombinasi ini di setiap penjuru iaitu sampai bertemu penjuru yang mula-mula. Jumlahnya 4 kali. Akhir sekali baca kombinasi ini sambil mengisyarat mendinding keseluruhan bumbung rumah.

Terjemahan Surah Al-fatihah:

[1]Dengan nama Allah, Yang Maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani.
[2]Segala puji tertentu bagi Allah, Tuhan yang memelihara dan mentadbirkan sekalian alam.
[3]Yang Maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani.
[4]Yang Menguasai pemerintahan hari Pembalasan (hari Akhirat).
[5]Engkaulah sahaja (Ya Allah) Yang Kami sembah, dan kepada Engkaulah sahaja kami memohon pertolongan.
[6]Tunjukilah kami jalan yang lurus.
[7]Iaitu jalan orang-orang yang Engkau telah kurniakan nikmat kepada mereka, bukan (jalan) orang-orang yang Engkau telah murkai, dan bukan pula (jalan) orang-orang yang sesat.

Terjemahan Surah Yaasin ayat 1 - 9:

(1) Yaa Siin.
(2) Demi Al Qur'an yang penuh hikmah,
(3) sesungguhnya kamu salah seorang dari rasul-rasul,
(4) (yang berada) di atas jalan yang lurus,
(5) (sebagai wahyu) yang diturunkan oleh Yang Maha Perkasa lagi Maha Penyayang,
(6) agar kamu memberi peringatan kepada kaum yang bapak-bapak mereka belum pernah diberi peringatan, karena itu mereka lalai.
(7) Sesungguhnya telah pasti berlaku perkataan (ketentuan Allah) terhadap kebanyakan mereka, karena mereka tidak beriman.
(8) Sesungguhnya Kami telah memasang belenggu di leher mereka, lalu tangan mereka (diangkat) ke dagu, maka karena itu mereka tertengadah.
(9) Dan Kami adakan di hadapan mereka dinding dan di belakang mereka dinding (pula), dan Kami tutup (mata) mereka sehingga mereka tidak dapat melihat.

Making Decision To Turn At A Junction......

Alhamdulillah Sarrah managed to get 3 places to continue her studies. First, in Penang Matriculation, second in Asasi Sains UM and last, Petronas scholarship to do accountancy degree in New Zealand.

Since both of us graduated from UM, we then wished Sarrah to accept the second offer and hoping she will later continue with dental degree after finishing Asasi Sains. We already planned to take a day off on her registeration day. Even the father, reschedule his business trip to London just to cater the day. The father also planned to buy a new car for her and a gadget for her electric guitar ( i could not catch the exact name of the gadget even Sarrah told me few times about it) . But the joy only between both of us and not for her. Then i realised, it was not her choice or her plan to continue study locally in UM. After 2 years in MRSM Pengkalan Chepa Kelantan, she already has confident to test her wings to fly away even further. She is eyeing for New Zealand.

After discussing the matter with the father, slowly he tried to accept although the worries are still there. Then i told Sarrah the pros and cons that she should consider before making the final decision. She needs to consider every angle. To my surprise, she didn't take long to tell me what she wants.

Then its me and the father actually who need to prepare ourself to face the day. Again, we will suffer another`empty nest' syndrom. Fortunately, we will have 18 more months to prepare emotionally, physically and financially. She will need to do her A-level in Taylor's College before flying to New Zealand end of next year. Ya Allah, give us strength.

But for Soffea, she look at the matter from another angle too. Of course, she got an angle with beautiful views. She already plan few trips to visit her sister there and hope to take pictures with `beautiful cows', which Sarrah refer to Soffea's cousin (` saudara sesusu' - for me both of them shared the same `saudara sesusu'). And the fighting starts again.........oh, my sweet babies........ one with strong wings and ready to make a journey, another with cute small wings that yet to test to fly.

Allah, please grant us the best!! Amin.

TAZKIRAH

Fadhilat Membaca Bismillah

· Membaca Bismillah setiap kali melakukan sesuatu pekerjaan atau perbuatan sebenarnya memberi kebaikan yang sangat banyak. Allah sendiri memerintahkan para malaikat supaya mencatat pahala bagi umat manusia yang membaca Bismillah.

· Seseorang yang membaca Bismillah sebanyak 21 kali ketika hendak tidur, akan aman dariapda gangguan syaitan, kecurian, maut yang mendadak dan bala. Sementara pasangan yang membacanya ketika hendak berjimak, akan melahirkan anak yang soleh dan bagi ibu bapanya kebajikan sejumlah tarikan nafas anak itu.

· Membaca 41 kali Bismillah ke telingan orang yang pengsan, insya Allah dia akan segera sedar. Membaca 313 kali Bismillah serta 100 kali selawat ke atas Nabi SAW pada waktu pagi hari Ahad sewaktu matahari terbit dengan menghadap kiblat, insya Allah akan mendapat rezeki yang tidak terduga.

· Bagi ibu bapa yang mempunyai anak yang bebal, eloklah dibaca Bismillah sebanyak 786 kali, kemudian ditiupkan pada air lalu diberi minum anak itu selama tujuh hari pada saat matahari terbit, insya Allah lenyaplah kebebebalannya. Perkara yang sama juga dilakukan kepada adik-beradik, suami, isteri atau sesiapa yang dimaksudkan.

· Sesiapa yang membaca 50 kali Bismillah di hadapan orang orang zalim, akan tunduk dan takutlah orang zalim itu. Bagi perempuan yang hamil, tulislah 61 kali kalimah Bismillah hingga akhirnya dengan huruf Arab di atas kertas putih lalu sisipkannya ke perut wanita itu, insya Allah hidup anak yang dikandung itu.

· Mereka yang berniaga, bacalah 786 kali di hadapan dagangannya lalu dihembuskan selama tujuh hari. Insya Allah dengan izin Allah akan majulah perniagaannya.

Stop at a Junction.....

On last Friday, 4 of us went to Ipoh. Sarrah attending an interview in UTP Tronoh on Saturday until Sunday. End of last month she already had an interview in PICC Putrajaya. Since SPM result anounced, she had been too busy applying every single scholarship that she came acrossed.

Alhamdulillah she scored 10A1. Before the result was out, she always said `Sarrah will decide what course to persue after SPM result anounced'. But it seem harder for her to decide when her result showed no special indication in a way. She is good in all subjects and she actually can persue in whichever course she wished. But i always remind her that she cannot take a course that she solely interested without thinking of the job prospect.

Since small, she loves almost everything about aerospace and wished to become an astrounout ( after she passed her dreams to become a firefighter to Soffea - maybe they are more interested in the red fire engine. But now both of them collecting books about space....although I think the books are almost having the same facts....they are getting full support from their father in terms of buying books. We have quite a big collection of books in our small library and used to participate in competitons).

Since then, everyday and whenever she saw me, I've been `interview' by her with questions that sometimes i answered seriously and some of it i answered with sense of humour and rediculously nonsense. But to my surprised she always agreed with my rediculous answers and it made me wonder is that because of the age gap that make us looking at the same thing but with different angle.

For Sarrah, just be yourself sayang. All of us will support you. Don't worry.... Allah will gives us the best! If you don't get what you want, then it is not the best for you.....!!!